DEBUT ALBUM AVAILABLE SPRING 2017
Technically, I started this album about four years ago. After my previous band dissolved I didn’t think I had it in me to start another band. I actually, fell into a depression, and really just didn’t know what I was going to do because I am not a person that should be without music in my life…I can’t. People don’t like me. It affects me in a very bad way if I’m not actively involved.
One day I had a conversation with myself and basically the gist of it was “Music is going to happen with or without you so you might as well get off your ass and do something or accept the fact that its over and you have to learn to live life in a different way because you can’t do this to your wife and kid.” Music is and has always been a savior and immortal to me. It will live on forever, no matter what. In the midst of that depression I actually thought about just getting rid of it all, letting it go and basically telling music… “Go on, great immortal.” But then I knew that wasn’t realistic for me, so I forced a change in my thinking and decided to give it a go. That phrase stuck and seemed fitting for the name of the project. A few weeks later I went to create a folder on my laptop to just drop some sketches and ideas and I abbreviated it….GOGI. I swear on all that is holy, I never realized that the name abbreviated spelled my name. I specifically remember saying out loud to myself, “No one’s ever gonna believe this.” It’s fine if you don’t, but its what happened.
At this point (as I tend to do with things) I decided I was going to go all in. I was going to write it, record it, produce it, play every instrument – the whole nine. I had enough knowledge of recording to be dangerous so I felt it was time to work on a solo project. I added and upgraded some equipment and started writing. Throughout the process I worked on my recording skills, my drumming skills, my “don’t play bass like a guitar” skills and attempted to be a little more focused on my songwriting skills. My wife would take the kid(s) every so often to leave me the house for the day or whole weekends to work. All this time, she was hands down the kick in the ass, the unwavering support and the biggest reason this album got made. Her patience, encouragement and support means more than I could ever express to her.
The original plan was to do something that was outside of the box from what I had done for many years prior – to play in standard tuning and in a completely different style from hard rock and metal. Over time, in that process I realized that by stepping out of my box I had basically jumped into another box where I was constrained to only do that style and it felt very forced at times. I’d finish full songs and then go to record vocals and I hated everything I heard, which really just destroyed my confidence even more. See, when you are in a band you have your bandmates to lean on for whether something is a good idea or not. Even if something was a bad idea, you weren’t doing it alone. When you do it 100% on your own, you really learn a lot about yourself and how much you can tear yourself apart without anyone’s help…at least, I did. I often questioned why the hell I was even bothering to do this anymore because it was all just going to be a big disappointment, and its not like a ton of people would even bother listening anyway, right? Every so often I would let friends hear a few songs, and while they were all extremely supportive, days would pass, and I’d dwell on the fact that there still was something missing in their reaction that made me feel like it wasn’t good enough and they were just being nice. I got to the point that when I’d finish the music for a song I would listen to it and random people would pop into my head, and I’d say to myself “well that person would think this is stupid, or this person would tell me this is not good enough, or she’ll never love this.” I would talk myself out of everything I was doing. I wrote probably 50-60 songs and started the album over four or five times.
Finally, one day about four months ago something clicked. I’d had enough. This album was happening. First, I set a deadline and I decided that no one would get to hear anything until it was done, so that I would stop beating myself up over it and overthinking anyone’s reactions. If it sucked once people heard it then there’s nothing I can do about it cause it’s out there, but it is what it is. I stopped thinking about what this or that person would think. I stopped thinking about what box I should or shouldn’t be in. I let go of all the pressure I was putting on myself. I sat down and wrote and recorded a completely new song. The next day I recorded the vocals and I didn’t hate my voice. Something was different.
I had another conversation with myself, but this time I told myself I had to truly not care what anyone thought, and just make this thing honest and 1000% for me first – that everything about this had to be naked and unafraid. From that point on I knew that I would not be sleeping much at all over the next few months because between family life, my business, writing and recording, playing shows with other artists and other things, life was about to get crazy. It did. Things got tough at times and emotionally it got brutal on more than one occasion, but I pressed on.
And so now its done. I pretty much wrote an entirely new record that still organically took me out of my box in a lot of ways, allowed me to explore some things musically and vocally that I had never done before, and honestly, allowed me to heal in a lot of ways that my past would not allow. The more I let go, the more I was able to do what I set out to do in the first place. Once again, music has healed me. Of course, I truly hope other people listen and enjoy it, but…this one is mine…and I’m damn proud of it. It’s as honest and forthright an offering as I could possibly give, I think.
It’s not perfect. It’s not meant to be, and that is why it is called “Flawed.” In the coming weeks I will reveal more and give announcements on its release. I really appreciate you reading this. I hope you will also take the time to listen to the album when it comes out. – GOGI